Thirty really kicked my ass. Matter fact when I turned 30 I was sobbing, weeping really, because I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I have survived 30 years. I’m someone who suffered a great deal from suicidal ideation since maybe the age of 6 (I used to keep 100 ways to die under my bed before it was a crazed TV show, to give some morbid context) so making it to 30, reaching my thirties…it was hard. I felt amidst all my accomplishments and my successes tangible and un, that I wasn’t good enough, that I hadn’t done enough, that comparatively, I was not where my peers were. And just was having the harshest, most critical lens on who I was as a person. I felt imposturous. Which felt even more stressful because my accolades, achievements, and just history of being a boss ass babe not only has put me in a media spotlight but often shines a light so bright, its blinding to the source. I am sitting here comparing my life to someone else while, mind you, I am living the life of my dreams. A life past my dreams actually. Full of abundance, full of love, and full of many, many, streams of income.
Yet, I couldn’t get a grip on my reality…..because there’s no way things actually work out for me right?
Not when the world is crumbling around me, right?
Not when so many people I know are going through strife right?
Not when I can physically feel the emotional weight of those around me, right?
Not when the internet constantly putting me in a state of doom, right?
Right?....
So, this led me to privacy, isolation, and searching for something more. And whenever I get THAT feeling. I go to God, because ultimately, I lean not on my own understanding - because frankly…nothing makes sense when you are doing something uncommon. I started there and ended up meeting some amazing people along the way who spoke life, inspired me, created with me, guided me, and showed me just how much I was loved.
Lowkey, I felt like Wendy Wu lol you remember when all those teachers transformed from spirits the prepare her and to teach her? This was truly a season of learning.
While there’s no course guide for this - there are lessons. Here’s some that I’ve picked up along the way.
1. Anything, go for it.
2. Let go, let God.
3. Say no.
4. You WILL definitely miss ALL the opportunities you don’t take - so take them.
5. Swing. On them, at them. Results may vary*
6. People will disappoint you, let them, communicate and then move accordingly.
7. Speak up.
8. Sometimes it is your fault.
9. Growing seasons will have growing pains, but as Betty Wright once said “no pain, no gain."
10. Please don’t be afraid to invest in yourself.
11. Stop being the roadblock in your own life.
12. Dream, and when you reach that, dream again.
13. If you aren’t invited, don’t go.
14. Being home alone is not the prison they make it out to be when you like your home and you like yourself.
15. Please for the love of God, eat fruits and vegetables.
16. Water really is that amazing.
17. Yea…exercising does exactly what they said it would.
18. It’s okay to not want to be seen sometimes. Allow people to see you.
19. Let God use you. And when he does, don’t be fearful, have faith. When it’s done, testify.
20. Anything worth having is worth working and waiting for.
21. Stop letting men who would rather DM you take up your intellectual space. Remove them.
22. While this journey is your own, and you sometimes feel alone, there are so many people who are with you and rooting for you.
23. Go ahead and utilize that budget, AND that calendar AND that list, you grown ass adult.
24. The best days to shop for groceries are Tuesdays.
25. Pause. Breathe. Look at your surroundings.
26. You really have the power to change your life, it’s just a lot of work and energy and its easier to stay stagnant,
27. It’s okay to cry, and then cry again, and then cry some more.
28. Confidence isn’t something you learn, it’s something you know.
29. A steamy, hot, long shower will solve a good 83% of your problems. Add a fine ass man with a beard and some sense to that and baby we damn near at 90.
30. Step, don’t stumble, into the next season.
31. You just might be successful. Don’t shy away from that, Thrive in it.
Thrive in it. Thrive. In. it.
As I embark on this new year, a year out from dealing with all the doubt and imposter syndrome. A year of monitoring and seeing…. I am exactly who I say I am. Things Do and constantly work in my favor. And I can’t wait to share just what I am full of. Ideas, light, and promises that will be fulfilled, it’s destiny :). And I am merely a child of God. Cheers to the journey 31 will bring!
